Polygamy

So, I keep hearing about these people that have been busted for committing polygamy. What is so wrong with polygamy? Well, before you answer and please know that I welcome all comments, I'd like to take this time to give you something to think about.

I believe that most men marry so that they can secure that the woman they love, at this time, will make and or accept fewer opportunities for having sex with others. Once we begin to have children and sex lessens (in most marriages) his interest begins to wander (more than likely it was wandering before, but arriving home to a young, sexy and vigorous wife helped to keep that in check). He is horny and we are tired from caring for the kids, possibly working a job and maintaining the home in the same capacity we did before the kids and even if we are thinking about it, the time for foreplay is limited. Many of us are uncertain why sex is less appealing at this point, but we are easily offended when he complains. The perfect gift for us would be a free sitter, an occasional massage, a night out, and a satisfied husband. Add to that a nearby girlfriend whom we can share with, whose kids can play well with ours and who loves to swap responsibilities. Well, at this point many of us think heaven has just opened its gates.

Well, that's what I think polygamy must be like. I am thinking, hey she watches the kids sometimes, just like I watch hers. She watches them while I get a massage and while I enjoy a night out, with or without the husband. The husband is certainly satisfied because he has two or more to switch off with (I am most likely not up for it every night). I've got built in girlfriends that I can talk to and whom I have the best play dates with. We switch off responsibilities like taking the kids to activities, or cooking or grocery shopping. I hope they want to homeschool or unschool as it is.

Maybe I am being naive. In my mind, just because the relationship is polygamist does not mean that I am being controlled by someone else. To me, it means that I have more control of the things I want to do. I can date other men and not feel so guilty. I can pursue the sort of career I'd like. I can hit the road with my kids whenever I desire. There are so many things I could do undetected. And the cherry on top of the cake is that there would be no pretending that he is not seeing someone else; he'd actually have permission because I thought it through and said yes for the above reasons.

I'll bet, the main reasons why anyone of you would not agree to polygamy are based on issues of possession and/or societal norms. We do not own our spouses. We cannot control or know what they do when they are not with us whether we are polygamist or not. And what is the benefit of being able to say "he is with me only." Not being able to say this makes us worry that others will look at us in a negative way. What if that were no longer an issue? Jealousy, is that an issue? What is there to be jealous of if another woman is doing something that I have thought through and decided I simply cannot comply to; I mean I just do not want to?

So, by now you are laughing out loud or thinking I am crazed. And I cannot tell you which is the case. I am not for or against polygamy. I simply like to ask myself "what is the issue here?" Why does everyone care what the other is doing? How does it affect me? I wish I could say I never judge others. I do judge, but when I hear myself, I begin to ask myself "why?"

How can we teach our children not to judge if we never question ourselves about that action?

So, during a recent conversation on polygamy, my classmates informed me that many of the children of these relationships suffer sexual abuse. I do not know what many is, as there were no statistics exchanged. Meanwhile, I am 100% against sexual abuse of any sort. And I must say that sexual abuse is not a side effect of polygamy, that is a side-effect of not communicating and not addressing this issue head on in society without shame (not the abused person's shame, but the shame of a nation that pretends it is not as big an issue as it is). We all want to categorize these instances so that we can distance ourselves from them. In the polygamist relationships, where the children were being molested, I am willing to bet that even if the man had only one wife, he would have the same intentions and actions with his children and the woman would probably have the same response.

All seriousness aside, in a polygamist relationship I think I might just get the long end of the stick. I'll bet you're thinking about it now too. Hmm?

Disclosure:
This blog entry does not represent any aspect of my home relationship or my husband's character (lol).

Presence in the midst of a whirlwind

It's been awhile; approximately one entire month (as my 6 year old would put it). So, what's been going on? EVERYTHING and I've learned to appreciate that. I accept that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life (A New Earth) and having the exact experiences that I am supposed to be having. With that, I am enjoying some pretty cool side effects.

So, what is EVERYTHING? Let's count them.

First, for the past month I have been working on putting together a design team for the CPS RFP (e-i-e-i-o). I love learning, so this process has been great. With it is comes a 13 workshop series hosted by CPS. It addresses the steps of designing a new school. So, I've been attending the workshops two days per week.

Second, I've been working on completing my Masters Program. This includes two classes per week, lots of writing, (another favorite of mine) and lately a few interviews, networking opportunities and presentations. A load of work is expected of us but, it is completely preparing me for the many tasks that come with designing the school. In 8 weeks I graduate (whew) with an MSNM (Master's of Science in Non-profit Management with a concentration in Fund Raising).

Third, the classes and programs that my children are in are coming to an end but, my husband has just changed his work schedule and pulled back on the amount of kid time he is willing to commit to (specifically time with my nephew, not our kids). That translates into me putting in more time. There is a reason for everything and I have accepted that I have not been truly devoting face time to the kids. This realization has benefited the kids and me. BTW, that same husband (like I have others, who could handle that?) has been hassling me about the time frame in which I plan to be producing an income. He is concerned that I am planning to commit my life to volunteer work (The CPS project is like a school project, 'no pay'). So, again, I know this has a purpose, but right now, his comments simply roll off my back.

So, in the midst of my whirlwind schedule and non-compassionate spouse, I have begun to get comfortable, because I have come to recognize that the schedule and balancing act force me to be present. If I were not present with each project, I would be unable to accomplish any of them. And that is the key to why I am at this stage of my life. In the past, whenever I would ask the Universe to present me with an opportunity, I would ask for multiples. The universe is just, it would send each of my requests at the same time. Time after time, I would get overwhelmed, not by the work itself, but by the anticipation of how difficult it would all become. As a result, the fear I created would choke my efforts and I would accomplish nothing. This time though, I recognize and cherish the need to be present. So, when it is time to be with my kids, I simply tell myself I'm spending time with the kids and I become present in that interaction (that does not include park time, because that has also become about my time to socialize). When I am working on school stuff, it's one class and one project at a time. Some things are late, but all things are focused. When I am working on CPS stuff, I am present in that project too.

The result of my new found presence has somehow translated into extra time. I am eating healthier and enjoying more meals with my family. I am running more frequently and more efficiently. I am actually enjoying the run and doing 3 miles non-stop. The side-effect is more peace of mind and less weight.

Now, isn't that pretty cool:)