Polygamy

So, I keep hearing about these people that have been busted for committing polygamy. What is so wrong with polygamy? Well, before you answer and please know that I welcome all comments, I'd like to take this time to give you something to think about.

I believe that most men marry so that they can secure that the woman they love, at this time, will make and or accept fewer opportunities for having sex with others. Once we begin to have children and sex lessens (in most marriages) his interest begins to wander (more than likely it was wandering before, but arriving home to a young, sexy and vigorous wife helped to keep that in check). He is horny and we are tired from caring for the kids, possibly working a job and maintaining the home in the same capacity we did before the kids and even if we are thinking about it, the time for foreplay is limited. Many of us are uncertain why sex is less appealing at this point, but we are easily offended when he complains. The perfect gift for us would be a free sitter, an occasional massage, a night out, and a satisfied husband. Add to that a nearby girlfriend whom we can share with, whose kids can play well with ours and who loves to swap responsibilities. Well, at this point many of us think heaven has just opened its gates.

Well, that's what I think polygamy must be like. I am thinking, hey she watches the kids sometimes, just like I watch hers. She watches them while I get a massage and while I enjoy a night out, with or without the husband. The husband is certainly satisfied because he has two or more to switch off with (I am most likely not up for it every night). I've got built in girlfriends that I can talk to and whom I have the best play dates with. We switch off responsibilities like taking the kids to activities, or cooking or grocery shopping. I hope they want to homeschool or unschool as it is.

Maybe I am being naive. In my mind, just because the relationship is polygamist does not mean that I am being controlled by someone else. To me, it means that I have more control of the things I want to do. I can date other men and not feel so guilty. I can pursue the sort of career I'd like. I can hit the road with my kids whenever I desire. There are so many things I could do undetected. And the cherry on top of the cake is that there would be no pretending that he is not seeing someone else; he'd actually have permission because I thought it through and said yes for the above reasons.

I'll bet, the main reasons why anyone of you would not agree to polygamy are based on issues of possession and/or societal norms. We do not own our spouses. We cannot control or know what they do when they are not with us whether we are polygamist or not. And what is the benefit of being able to say "he is with me only." Not being able to say this makes us worry that others will look at us in a negative way. What if that were no longer an issue? Jealousy, is that an issue? What is there to be jealous of if another woman is doing something that I have thought through and decided I simply cannot comply to; I mean I just do not want to?

So, by now you are laughing out loud or thinking I am crazed. And I cannot tell you which is the case. I am not for or against polygamy. I simply like to ask myself "what is the issue here?" Why does everyone care what the other is doing? How does it affect me? I wish I could say I never judge others. I do judge, but when I hear myself, I begin to ask myself "why?"

How can we teach our children not to judge if we never question ourselves about that action?

So, during a recent conversation on polygamy, my classmates informed me that many of the children of these relationships suffer sexual abuse. I do not know what many is, as there were no statistics exchanged. Meanwhile, I am 100% against sexual abuse of any sort. And I must say that sexual abuse is not a side effect of polygamy, that is a side-effect of not communicating and not addressing this issue head on in society without shame (not the abused person's shame, but the shame of a nation that pretends it is not as big an issue as it is). We all want to categorize these instances so that we can distance ourselves from them. In the polygamist relationships, where the children were being molested, I am willing to bet that even if the man had only one wife, he would have the same intentions and actions with his children and the woman would probably have the same response.

All seriousness aside, in a polygamist relationship I think I might just get the long end of the stick. I'll bet you're thinking about it now too. Hmm?

Disclosure:
This blog entry does not represent any aspect of my home relationship or my husband's character (lol).