A.C.E. ing Life

Spiritually, I am a mixed bag of tricks. I believe that within each of us is God & that God is like a star, a "spirit star" residing within a vessel we have chosen, in order to appear human while we reside in this dimension of life. Also, within this vessel is a seed, the ego. Whenever our "spirit star", which is pure love & energy, is lost, the ego begins to power up. The further we get from our truth, the stronger the ego gets. As a whole, we are God, the spirit that makes the Universe all that it is. Collectively, our "spirit stars" link to this powerful, beautiful force & energy that is all love & peace. As a council we convene & decide how to make all things happen with purpose; that is, to attend to the needs & lessens of each of our lives. It is our state of being that determines the fate of the earth. If we are collectively at war within ourselves, our earth will suffer that war outwardly. If we are collectively moving toward peace & love, our earth will show signs of moving toward peace & love.

Before we are born we make the choice to come here. Our motives are to help our loved ones on their spiritual quest. In my early 20's, I understood this & was baffled as to why I would have chosen to come to this earth. My life was balanced, but I did not like what I was experiencing in Corporate America; the greed, disregard & complication residing there. I managed by going to Alpha in the middle of each day. Still, I wondered, why do we choose to come here & I vowed that if reincarnation were a possibility, I would not like to return again. Now, I understand how easy it must be to see a loved one so close to the truth or so, absolutely far away from it, that we feel we must come here to assist them.

We are born all peace, love & pure energy. As we grow, the humans around us train us to be "acceptable humans", instead of "balanced beings". As a result, we begin to forget why we came here & spend the rest of our lives searching for the mission or purpose.

For many years, I maintained my connection with my spiritual childhood. I remembered my experiences of using moments of Alpha to find solutions in life. I remember using this state of being to truly understand the needs of others & how to relate to them & communicate with them & forgive them for the mean things they did. As I grew older, there were times when I slipped into the idea of "acceptable human" forgetting about "balanced being" but, for the most part, I maintained. Then, I married my husband. He & I dated on & off for 15 years before I could say "I do". The challenge was always about his respect & acceptance of my spiritual beliefs. To this date, I do not think that I have admitted that "out loud" to him. What is worst is that, with marriage, I buried my spirituality to make him & his family comfortable.

Even as I developed my career as a Life Coach & Meditation Instructor, my husband ridiculed my beliefs. I have allowed this to keep me from admitting how important my spiritual beliefs are to my existence. In the process, I have gained weight & become removed from who I truly am. I have disengaged myself from certain enjoyment of life & my ego has grown tremendously. Meanwhile, I watch shows like Ghost Whisperer & Medium, envious of the television husbands these women have & how supportive they are of their wives' gifts & beliefs.

Thank God for my children. Each of them has challenged me to stop hiding my spiritual beliefs or truths (because what you believe is your truth) in their own way. Stevie, my oldest, asks many thought provoking spiritual questions; the ones that make you remember where you really stand on the spiritual front. Once you answer her questions, you realize exactly what you must do in order to be true to yourself, to your spirit. She likes the energy of the invisible universe. She reads my mind & is quite gifted academically. I think she still knows why she came here & enjoys carrying out her mission. Journey, my 4.5 year old, enjoys creating an environment that forces me to dive into my spiritual realm of existence, outwardly. If I go to Alpha everyday, she & I get along like 2 peas in a pod. If I begin to stray, she becomes wicked, stirring up the very core of stress & disarray that can push a person over the edge. Amazingly, with all of her tantrums & wicked whining, at every physical, she is the most amazingly efficient human. She has the blood pressure of a perfect marathon runner & any virus that manages to get inside of her has only 24 hours, maximum, to live. Riley, due to grace us with her physical presence in early May, simply stirs me. Her spirit awakens my spirit & creates a craving or longing for inner peace. Because of her, I have returned to an old life of what I call A.C.E..

A.C.E. stands for Alpha, Cleansing & Exercise. Alpha is a state of mind where the brain waves slow down and we experience peace & balance. In Alpha the brain is creative & resourceful, able to create solutions to most anything we are pondering. Alpha is a state of meditation or hypnosis. It can occur when you are driving, walking, reading, knitting, or resting. Children naturally enjoy a state of Alpha by daydreaming. When a human being encounters moments of Alpha on a daily basis they simply become a more creative, balanced, joyful, loving & peaceful being. To cleanse is to release toxins; we do this by eating raw & natural foods, getting a massage, or sitting in a sauna. Exercise is simply exercise. Daily A.C.E. provides me with strong life force. It allows me peace & balance spiritually & it allows me maintenance of the vessel I chose for this life.

It feels great! I am back on track with my personal & career goals. Amazing how the IRS had put my 501(c)3 on hold while I groped around in the dark for awhile & how my return to A.C.E. coincides with the IRS addressing my request again. Also, when in Alpha, I have began to communicate with my husband. As a result, in the normal realm of life, my marriage seems stronger.

So, I have finally come out of the closet. Spiritually, my secret is out in cyberspace, open for the world to read and my posts will probably be more connected to this. Meanwhile, I will eventually have to outwardly discuss this with my husband. I think this also means I can stop having children (as much as I love them) & simply address the issue at hand; being true to my spirit & continuing my spiritual growth. I know my girls will continue to assist me every step of the way, not letting up until I am instinctively managing things. So, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

The News

It's been a while since my last post. I thought I would post at least once a month. Then, the Universe threw a new monkey wrench into my life...I'm pregnant. Yes, that's right, a third child; through me, a woman who swore the shop was closed. In fact, I'm not just pregnant, I'm very pregnant; due in May.

After my last blog, I simply found myself exhausted all of the time. I thought I was dehydrating so, I began drinking a lot more water. That found me in the bathroom more. Then, I began losing weight. Finally, an older Italian man kept following me around Costco, telling me how beautiful I looked. Let me tell you, this was one of my not so good days; I was exhausted & in my opinion it showed. That said, my stalker was the last straw, I purchased a pregnancy test immediately after leaving Costco.

Nothing like 9 months of pregnancy to make you think about the life you are living. This third spiritual gift has once again given me a new angle of reflection. I've been more involved in volunteering and keeping the girls busy. She is apparently an organization freak; I can't stop cooking & cleaning. I've crocheted lots of beautiful items and I'm creating clothing for the girls & I. I've explained to my husband the importance of me having my space (I'll give more details later). And I have added distance between myself & many others.

I actually enjoy pregnancy. It is a kind state of being for me. With Journey I was not as attractive as I was with Stevie & have been with this one. Still, I did not have the physical challenges that many women have. In fact, I often forget that I am pregnant.

The ultrasound says it will be another girl. We are thinking to name her Chloe Sinclair or Reilly Sinclair. There is much planning needed but, I am a bit laxed about that.

The only thing I know is there exists this strange feeling that this baby intends on being born at home.