A.C.E. ing Life

Spiritually, I am a mixed bag of tricks. I believe that within each of us is God & that God is like a star, a "spirit star" residing within a vessel we have chosen, in order to appear human while we reside in this dimension of life. Also, within this vessel is a seed, the ego. Whenever our "spirit star", which is pure love & energy, is lost, the ego begins to power up. The further we get from our truth, the stronger the ego gets. As a whole, we are God, the spirit that makes the Universe all that it is. Collectively, our "spirit stars" link to this powerful, beautiful force & energy that is all love & peace. As a council we convene & decide how to make all things happen with purpose; that is, to attend to the needs & lessens of each of our lives. It is our state of being that determines the fate of the earth. If we are collectively at war within ourselves, our earth will suffer that war outwardly. If we are collectively moving toward peace & love, our earth will show signs of moving toward peace & love.

Before we are born we make the choice to come here. Our motives are to help our loved ones on their spiritual quest. In my early 20's, I understood this & was baffled as to why I would have chosen to come to this earth. My life was balanced, but I did not like what I was experiencing in Corporate America; the greed, disregard & complication residing there. I managed by going to Alpha in the middle of each day. Still, I wondered, why do we choose to come here & I vowed that if reincarnation were a possibility, I would not like to return again. Now, I understand how easy it must be to see a loved one so close to the truth or so, absolutely far away from it, that we feel we must come here to assist them.

We are born all peace, love & pure energy. As we grow, the humans around us train us to be "acceptable humans", instead of "balanced beings". As a result, we begin to forget why we came here & spend the rest of our lives searching for the mission or purpose.

For many years, I maintained my connection with my spiritual childhood. I remembered my experiences of using moments of Alpha to find solutions in life. I remember using this state of being to truly understand the needs of others & how to relate to them & communicate with them & forgive them for the mean things they did. As I grew older, there were times when I slipped into the idea of "acceptable human" forgetting about "balanced being" but, for the most part, I maintained. Then, I married my husband. He & I dated on & off for 15 years before I could say "I do". The challenge was always about his respect & acceptance of my spiritual beliefs. To this date, I do not think that I have admitted that "out loud" to him. What is worst is that, with marriage, I buried my spirituality to make him & his family comfortable.

Even as I developed my career as a Life Coach & Meditation Instructor, my husband ridiculed my beliefs. I have allowed this to keep me from admitting how important my spiritual beliefs are to my existence. In the process, I have gained weight & become removed from who I truly am. I have disengaged myself from certain enjoyment of life & my ego has grown tremendously. Meanwhile, I watch shows like Ghost Whisperer & Medium, envious of the television husbands these women have & how supportive they are of their wives' gifts & beliefs.

Thank God for my children. Each of them has challenged me to stop hiding my spiritual beliefs or truths (because what you believe is your truth) in their own way. Stevie, my oldest, asks many thought provoking spiritual questions; the ones that make you remember where you really stand on the spiritual front. Once you answer her questions, you realize exactly what you must do in order to be true to yourself, to your spirit. She likes the energy of the invisible universe. She reads my mind & is quite gifted academically. I think she still knows why she came here & enjoys carrying out her mission. Journey, my 4.5 year old, enjoys creating an environment that forces me to dive into my spiritual realm of existence, outwardly. If I go to Alpha everyday, she & I get along like 2 peas in a pod. If I begin to stray, she becomes wicked, stirring up the very core of stress & disarray that can push a person over the edge. Amazingly, with all of her tantrums & wicked whining, at every physical, she is the most amazingly efficient human. She has the blood pressure of a perfect marathon runner & any virus that manages to get inside of her has only 24 hours, maximum, to live. Riley, due to grace us with her physical presence in early May, simply stirs me. Her spirit awakens my spirit & creates a craving or longing for inner peace. Because of her, I have returned to an old life of what I call A.C.E..

A.C.E. stands for Alpha, Cleansing & Exercise. Alpha is a state of mind where the brain waves slow down and we experience peace & balance. In Alpha the brain is creative & resourceful, able to create solutions to most anything we are pondering. Alpha is a state of meditation or hypnosis. It can occur when you are driving, walking, reading, knitting, or resting. Children naturally enjoy a state of Alpha by daydreaming. When a human being encounters moments of Alpha on a daily basis they simply become a more creative, balanced, joyful, loving & peaceful being. To cleanse is to release toxins; we do this by eating raw & natural foods, getting a massage, or sitting in a sauna. Exercise is simply exercise. Daily A.C.E. provides me with strong life force. It allows me peace & balance spiritually & it allows me maintenance of the vessel I chose for this life.

It feels great! I am back on track with my personal & career goals. Amazing how the IRS had put my 501(c)3 on hold while I groped around in the dark for awhile & how my return to A.C.E. coincides with the IRS addressing my request again. Also, when in Alpha, I have began to communicate with my husband. As a result, in the normal realm of life, my marriage seems stronger.

So, I have finally come out of the closet. Spiritually, my secret is out in cyberspace, open for the world to read and my posts will probably be more connected to this. Meanwhile, I will eventually have to outwardly discuss this with my husband. I think this also means I can stop having children (as much as I love them) & simply address the issue at hand; being true to my spirit & continuing my spiritual growth. I know my girls will continue to assist me every step of the way, not letting up until I am instinctively managing things. So, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

The News

It's been a while since my last post. I thought I would post at least once a month. Then, the Universe threw a new monkey wrench into my life...I'm pregnant. Yes, that's right, a third child; through me, a woman who swore the shop was closed. In fact, I'm not just pregnant, I'm very pregnant; due in May.

After my last blog, I simply found myself exhausted all of the time. I thought I was dehydrating so, I began drinking a lot more water. That found me in the bathroom more. Then, I began losing weight. Finally, an older Italian man kept following me around Costco, telling me how beautiful I looked. Let me tell you, this was one of my not so good days; I was exhausted & in my opinion it showed. That said, my stalker was the last straw, I purchased a pregnancy test immediately after leaving Costco.

Nothing like 9 months of pregnancy to make you think about the life you are living. This third spiritual gift has once again given me a new angle of reflection. I've been more involved in volunteering and keeping the girls busy. She is apparently an organization freak; I can't stop cooking & cleaning. I've crocheted lots of beautiful items and I'm creating clothing for the girls & I. I've explained to my husband the importance of me having my space (I'll give more details later). And I have added distance between myself & many others.

I actually enjoy pregnancy. It is a kind state of being for me. With Journey I was not as attractive as I was with Stevie & have been with this one. Still, I did not have the physical challenges that many women have. In fact, I often forget that I am pregnant.

The ultrasound says it will be another girl. We are thinking to name her Chloe Sinclair or Reilly Sinclair. There is much planning needed but, I am a bit laxed about that.

The only thing I know is there exists this strange feeling that this baby intends on being born at home.

A Fresh Start

So, after CPS decided that we needed a few more things before we were ready to open a school, I decided to take some time to truly assess my life and what I wanted. After two months, I came to the conclusion that I needed a new start towards a more fulfilling life. My personal mission statement reads: TO UTILIZE MY CREATIVE ENERGY, MY INTUITIVE WISDOM AND MY COMPREHENSION THROUGH WRITING, TRAVELING AND ORGANIZING IN AN EFFORT TO SEE THE WORLD FROM A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE, BALANCE & BLISS (for me this is self-actualization).

My mission statement, also happens to be one of my top 4 life priorities: Health, Family, Mission, & Wealth (spiritual & financial).

That said, I decided to restructure to make sure that I am attending to the things that are top priority to me. I certainly recognize some stagnation in all areas and am now cleansing for renewal. The cleansing means fasting; and while it is good mentally, spiritually, physically & emotionally, I've been hungry (first time ever).

I just started today and have faltered already (I drank hot chocolate). Additionally, I am aware that tomorrow I have an engagement that I can allow to challenge me or I can simply start anew the day after.

Hmm, what would you do?

Well, I'll keep you posted.

Yvonnie

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And may the best candidate win!?

What if everyone knew everyone?

"What if everyone in the world knew, everyone else in the world," my 6 year old asked me?

"What an interesting concept," I thought to myself. So, I asked a dear friend what he thought. "Well, life would be pretty boring if there were no new people to meet," he suggested.

"Hmm. Not exactly," I responded. In fact, in my mind, meeting new people is not always the point that is exciting. Hearing new stories and ideas are what is thrilling, right? I mean, if you are away from your children or spouse or best friend for a few days, talking to them about the things they have experienced over the past few days is what is enjoyable, right?

When Stevie asked me the question, the first thing I thought was, "then, no one could steal or harm others in secret." Think about it, instead of stealing, you would simply be forced to ask for what you need, because everyone knows you; there's no getting away with it.

I like the idea because now, when I speak to strangers (a habit passed to me from my mom), some of them hesitate or act as if I am not speaking to them. If they were not exactly strangers, wouldn't they, more than likely, speak back?

If we all knew each other wouldn't we be more prone to assist others and wouldn't we pay closer attention to the signs of someone in trouble?

If everyone knew everyone we might have less awe over movie stars and professional athletes. You would realize that they too are working to earn a living.

If everyone knew everyone, maybe everyone could get a job that they truly enjoyed; doing something they always wanted to do.

If everyone knew everyone there might be less corruption in politics. Think about it, not only would you know Hilary, John and Barack, but with a few phone calls, you could possibly know what their presidential agenda was. In fact, if everyone knew everyone, maybe no one would have voted for Bush.

If everyone knew everyone there might be less racism, sexism and class-ism.

If everyone knew everyone there might be fewer violent crimes and maybe there would be no war.

"What if everyone in the world knew, everyone else in the world?" I love this question. It is the question of a naive 6-year-old yet, I feel it is a brilliant concept. I would love for everyone to know everyone. But, maybe I am missing something. Maybe there would be something wrong with knowing everyone.

What do you think? If everyone knew everyone... What do you think that would mean?

Polygamy

So, I keep hearing about these people that have been busted for committing polygamy. What is so wrong with polygamy? Well, before you answer and please know that I welcome all comments, I'd like to take this time to give you something to think about.

I believe that most men marry so that they can secure that the woman they love, at this time, will make and or accept fewer opportunities for having sex with others. Once we begin to have children and sex lessens (in most marriages) his interest begins to wander (more than likely it was wandering before, but arriving home to a young, sexy and vigorous wife helped to keep that in check). He is horny and we are tired from caring for the kids, possibly working a job and maintaining the home in the same capacity we did before the kids and even if we are thinking about it, the time for foreplay is limited. Many of us are uncertain why sex is less appealing at this point, but we are easily offended when he complains. The perfect gift for us would be a free sitter, an occasional massage, a night out, and a satisfied husband. Add to that a nearby girlfriend whom we can share with, whose kids can play well with ours and who loves to swap responsibilities. Well, at this point many of us think heaven has just opened its gates.

Well, that's what I think polygamy must be like. I am thinking, hey she watches the kids sometimes, just like I watch hers. She watches them while I get a massage and while I enjoy a night out, with or without the husband. The husband is certainly satisfied because he has two or more to switch off with (I am most likely not up for it every night). I've got built in girlfriends that I can talk to and whom I have the best play dates with. We switch off responsibilities like taking the kids to activities, or cooking or grocery shopping. I hope they want to homeschool or unschool as it is.

Maybe I am being naive. In my mind, just because the relationship is polygamist does not mean that I am being controlled by someone else. To me, it means that I have more control of the things I want to do. I can date other men and not feel so guilty. I can pursue the sort of career I'd like. I can hit the road with my kids whenever I desire. There are so many things I could do undetected. And the cherry on top of the cake is that there would be no pretending that he is not seeing someone else; he'd actually have permission because I thought it through and said yes for the above reasons.

I'll bet, the main reasons why anyone of you would not agree to polygamy are based on issues of possession and/or societal norms. We do not own our spouses. We cannot control or know what they do when they are not with us whether we are polygamist or not. And what is the benefit of being able to say "he is with me only." Not being able to say this makes us worry that others will look at us in a negative way. What if that were no longer an issue? Jealousy, is that an issue? What is there to be jealous of if another woman is doing something that I have thought through and decided I simply cannot comply to; I mean I just do not want to?

So, by now you are laughing out loud or thinking I am crazed. And I cannot tell you which is the case. I am not for or against polygamy. I simply like to ask myself "what is the issue here?" Why does everyone care what the other is doing? How does it affect me? I wish I could say I never judge others. I do judge, but when I hear myself, I begin to ask myself "why?"

How can we teach our children not to judge if we never question ourselves about that action?

So, during a recent conversation on polygamy, my classmates informed me that many of the children of these relationships suffer sexual abuse. I do not know what many is, as there were no statistics exchanged. Meanwhile, I am 100% against sexual abuse of any sort. And I must say that sexual abuse is not a side effect of polygamy, that is a side-effect of not communicating and not addressing this issue head on in society without shame (not the abused person's shame, but the shame of a nation that pretends it is not as big an issue as it is). We all want to categorize these instances so that we can distance ourselves from them. In the polygamist relationships, where the children were being molested, I am willing to bet that even if the man had only one wife, he would have the same intentions and actions with his children and the woman would probably have the same response.

All seriousness aside, in a polygamist relationship I think I might just get the long end of the stick. I'll bet you're thinking about it now too. Hmm?

Disclosure:
This blog entry does not represent any aspect of my home relationship or my husband's character (lol).

Presence in the midst of a whirlwind

It's been awhile; approximately one entire month (as my 6 year old would put it). So, what's been going on? EVERYTHING and I've learned to appreciate that. I accept that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life (A New Earth) and having the exact experiences that I am supposed to be having. With that, I am enjoying some pretty cool side effects.

So, what is EVERYTHING? Let's count them.

First, for the past month I have been working on putting together a design team for the CPS RFP (e-i-e-i-o). I love learning, so this process has been great. With it is comes a 13 workshop series hosted by CPS. It addresses the steps of designing a new school. So, I've been attending the workshops two days per week.

Second, I've been working on completing my Masters Program. This includes two classes per week, lots of writing, (another favorite of mine) and lately a few interviews, networking opportunities and presentations. A load of work is expected of us but, it is completely preparing me for the many tasks that come with designing the school. In 8 weeks I graduate (whew) with an MSNM (Master's of Science in Non-profit Management with a concentration in Fund Raising).

Third, the classes and programs that my children are in are coming to an end but, my husband has just changed his work schedule and pulled back on the amount of kid time he is willing to commit to (specifically time with my nephew, not our kids). That translates into me putting in more time. There is a reason for everything and I have accepted that I have not been truly devoting face time to the kids. This realization has benefited the kids and me. BTW, that same husband (like I have others, who could handle that?) has been hassling me about the time frame in which I plan to be producing an income. He is concerned that I am planning to commit my life to volunteer work (The CPS project is like a school project, 'no pay'). So, again, I know this has a purpose, but right now, his comments simply roll off my back.

So, in the midst of my whirlwind schedule and non-compassionate spouse, I have begun to get comfortable, because I have come to recognize that the schedule and balancing act force me to be present. If I were not present with each project, I would be unable to accomplish any of them. And that is the key to why I am at this stage of my life. In the past, whenever I would ask the Universe to present me with an opportunity, I would ask for multiples. The universe is just, it would send each of my requests at the same time. Time after time, I would get overwhelmed, not by the work itself, but by the anticipation of how difficult it would all become. As a result, the fear I created would choke my efforts and I would accomplish nothing. This time though, I recognize and cherish the need to be present. So, when it is time to be with my kids, I simply tell myself I'm spending time with the kids and I become present in that interaction (that does not include park time, because that has also become about my time to socialize). When I am working on school stuff, it's one class and one project at a time. Some things are late, but all things are focused. When I am working on CPS stuff, I am present in that project too.

The result of my new found presence has somehow translated into extra time. I am eating healthier and enjoying more meals with my family. I am running more frequently and more efficiently. I am actually enjoying the run and doing 3 miles non-stop. The side-effect is more peace of mind and less weight.

Now, isn't that pretty cool:)